It's tough being told that you have one hope of getting pregnant. Either you do this procedure, or you're SOL. Well that's what my doctor has told me and after almost 3 years of trying on our own without ONE positive pregnancy test, it appears he's right. So starting this weekend, I'll be doing my first round of IVF w/ICSI. I tried IUI a couple of months ago (but was cancelled due to over-response), so I have an idea of what I'm getting myself into. Shots, pills, ultrasounds, blood draws, and general hormonal havoc are a given. Discomfort and money-bleeding are absolute. But the minor "surgery" that is egg retrieval will be a brand new experience. And I can't wait for ANY of it :D
It's hard to believe that this might actually work. At the end of this struggle, we might actually get a take-home-baby. And what an adventure THAT would be! But honestly I don't allow myself to dwell on this possible positive outcome very often. Often enough to keep hope alive, yes. But any more than that just leads to heartache and even greater disappointment if it fails. I do my part and let the doctors do theirs, but otherwise I try to keep myself busy and focus on other things. BUT, even if that's the case, I know there are times I will want to write about the good and bad parts of this experience. Whether it works or not, I'll want to remember these times and feelings, albeit for differing reasons. I'll want to know that we gave it our best shot and if it still doesn't work, it just wasn't meant to be. AND WE WILL BE OK.
Once I'm in the middle of the inevitable emotional swings these medications will cause, I'm sure I won't be thinking as clearly. I'll change from a logical Vulcan to a raging Klingon. But this blog will help me focus and help me remember that whatever the outcome, our lives are not over. They're just beginning! So if you are here reading about our adventure, send some positive vibes our way and wish us luck! :)
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