Since going public about our conception issues and impending IVF, I've had several people privately applaud my bravery and thank me for being open about the subject. Infertility is [unfortunately] still a taboo topic in our culture and many suffer in silence. But I'm not sure if speaking openly about this condition makes me brave or simply uncouth. Although, many of my heroes (fictional or otherwise) were uncouth individuals, so I wouldn't take that term as an insult :) Then again, I don't disagree that sticking myself with needles requires bravery...so perhaps I'll be sorted into Gryffindor after all! ;)
I've been off of birth control for three days now. [Isn't it funny that they make you take birth control before IVF? Seems so contradictory.] And I'm finally starting to feel like myself again. One thing that's become shockingly clear to me over the past 3 years is how much of a slave I am to my hormones. Whether they be thyroid hormones, adrenal hormones or sex hormones, they can turn me into a completely different person depending on their levels. It's not quite as bad as Jekyll and Hyde (yes, my husband may disagree), but my spirit feels absolutely blocked at times...locked behind a wall of hormones that won't budge. If my focus weren't on getting pregnant, I would work harder on finding the correct balance and staying there. But you don't have that luxury with IVF :) They will be all over the place and that will be ok, because the end result is so worth it. But I want to make sure I record the days when I "feel it." Like this morning. These two songs played in the car and just made my spirit soar :) I know I'm on the right track.
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