Couldn't Care Less Bear

Yep - that's me right about now. Where did that spark of excitement from last week go? Where's the joy I should be feeling that I'm about to be impregnated? Nowhere to be found...that's where. That cold I mentioned last week? Yeah, it's still here. And instead of making me feel better...somehow all of these new meds have only made things worse. I'm not sleeping well, I'm not thinking straight and my emotions are out of control. I've spent most of the last three days in tears. And that light at the end of the tunnel has gone out.

I can't imagine that it's the steroid or antibiotic that's doing this to me...which only leaves the estrogen or progesterone. And guess what? I have to stay on those for at least two more weeks (longer if by some miracle I actually get pregnant). And even if it doesn't work and I get to stop taking them, there's no telling how long it will take my body to return to normal. I just realized a couple of days ago that I've been on hormones constantly since June. At this point, I don't even remember what "normal" feels like!

Perhaps trying IUI, IVF and FET back to back was a stupid idea. I suppose I should've taken breaks in between to recuperate. But after three long years of trying to conceive, I was in no mood to wait any longer. I didn't think that any physical discomfort could outweigh the emotional toll that failure was taking on me. Little did I realize that the physical controlled the emotional so absolutely. Physically I don't feel that bad. But you'd think someone died with all of the crying I've done lately :\ And I have no energy to get out in this beautiful weather (my favorite time of year btw), which is one of the few things that would do me some good right now. Sigh.

Tomorrow is a monumental day...and the procedure is a monumental procedure. Perhaps by then it'll feel that way...