The Two Week Wait SUCKS!!!!!!

So I've been PUPO for a week now. Most of that week went by very quickly. Hubby was home with me a lot. We went to a Weird Al concert over the weekend. And I was in very good, hopeful spirits. But the pessimism and doubt have started to seep back in the past couple of days. And my beta test is still 5 days away :(

I had 10 internet cheapie home pregnancy tests collecting dust in my cabinet, so I started testing out my trigger shot on Sunday. I botched the first test, but still could easily see the HCG from the trigger in my system for the first 3 days. Yesterday it went basically negative (there was a SHADOW of a line, but nothing more) and today it went stark white negative. So I know the trigger is gone and that's nice. But now I'm scared that it won't turn positive again. As long as the trigger was there, I had hope that perhaps some of my body's own HCG was showing up as well. Now, it's painfully obvious that that wasn't the case.

And I'm sure as hell not feeling pregnant. Not that I expected to...but everybody else is expecting me to. Sure my boobs are sore, but they've been sore for a couple of weeks now. Yes, I'm tired and have insomnia, but that's certainly nothing new. It's true my hunger has increased and yeah, I'm crying over tv shows and 20 year old memories...but that could easily be from the stress I'm under or the hormones I'm taking. Apart from one little electric jolt feeling in my uterus, I feel just as I've always felt...like a defective woman being left out of life.

At least I have one good thing to report - my cold is gone. Too bad I still feel "sick."